“What other people think of me is none of my business” – I’d heard this at a seminar once and felt it was a profound statement.. but I’m not sure I really ‘got it’. The reason I’m writing about this topic is because I’ve felt like I haven’t been real for a loong time.  Maybe there were parts of me that were my true essence and then other parts that I acquired that weren’t really me. I tried  those bits on and kept some- thinking I needed to – in order to be deemed ‘acceptable’ in certain circles.

Looking back I think the opinions of others about who I am or what I’m capable of Has impacted the way I showed up. I thought I had to be seen or heard in a particular way because of what they <<insert people in your life whose opinions you have listened to time and time again>> said.

What masks are you wearing?

Why is this so timely? Because I had a major download (from the Man above I’d like to say) about what was standing in my way from being all that I am. It hit me – not like a ton of bricks but as a quiet self assured voice saying I was seeking acceptance and approval from others – and this was holding me back. I was looking at my ‘five year old’ – the pic in one of my blog posts and one thing that I knew she was seeking was love and approval – this may have been from my parents. As I grew older I think I looked for approval from my friends, teachers and perhaps even strangers who are probably of no consequence to me. So the result? A very watered down version of me. I tried to be all things to all people and frankly that’s been really really tiring. And you know what? I’m sick of it : ) I say that with a smile because it’s such a relief to realise that and finally let it go! I’m soo done with that now.

I’d like to ask you a question: How has someone’s opinion of you kept you hostage? You were too afraid to say what you wanted to say because you didn’t believe it would be ‘acceptable’ or that what you had to share was contrary to what everyone else believed.  As I write this I just got another little juicy nugget from the ether- that it’s absolutely freeing to have ideas and insights that aren’t the norm – because it makes you unique and special -and after all there’s only You – everybody else is taken right?

I wanted to just share what I believe is true for me at this point in my life. People are going to share with you their opinions about you or how you should and should not behave or be. They always will. They’ll do so from their own models of the world – their own rose tinted glasses or whatever colour of the rainbow you choose to take it through.

I’ve decided to take my masks off – and I’m asking you to join me  - when you’re ready of course : )

The learning that  I will be taking with me moving forward, is that in the end, you are the ultimate authority on what makes sense and what doesn’t make sense to you – the parts you’d like to take on board and the parts that you’d like to discard.

Lots of love and hugs xox

Would love to hear about some of the masks you’ve been wearing and perhaps which ones you’re willing to let go of.. so you can see the world afresh – as you.

I was at my African drumming class today and boy did I have a blast as always.

The best part was I was quite aware of the voices in my head when I first learned that we would be going through the ‘basics’ again because we had a new student in class. At first I thought, oh no, what a waste of a class – I thought we were going to practice our solos and a rhythm we’d been working on for our performance night coming up.  As soon as I heard that voice come up I became aware that I just had a bit of resistance  - and perhaps I wasn’t opening up to what I could discover in that class if I dismissed it as a ‘waste of time’.

I wonder how often we do this when we’re learning a new skill or working on a project.  My class today taught me the importance of getting connected to the basics from time to time, even if it means taking stock mid way and making sure we understand the fundamentals.

Lesson 1: Getting connected to the basics from time to time keeps you on track and reminds you how far you’ve come – but it also shows you that you can keep adding new layers so when you hear something the second and third time, you make new connections which helps you master your craft.

Our African drumming teacher is from Ghana and I love his accent! I could listen to him all day and not tire of it – I swear I must’ve been African in another lifetime. So he says to the new student <<insert Ghanaian accent or Rafiki’s from the Lion King >> , “Listen to your rhythm, – you listen to my one and you might start to enjoy it, but then you forget your own rhythm! You get distracted – that’s why you Must know your own rhythm or else you get confused.”

Wow – whoever thought you could get such wisdom attending a casual Monday night African drumming lesson!

Lessons to take away: When we don’t listen to our own inner voices, we start to forget our own music – and then we start to get distracted by looking at the rhythms and music outside ourselves. How often have you found yourself comparing yourself to others and thinking/believing that their lives are better than yours somehow..and that really distracts you, doesnt it?

You forget to appreciate your own gifts, your own life and the shiny things outside you- sway you – they might take you on another path – and before you know it – you’re out of tune with your own rhythm..  because you momentarily forgot to listen. Then when you attempt to get back to your rhythm you need to stop and listen again to the beat of your own drum.. to find your rhythm again. But once you do – all is well again : ) – and you know you’ve got it..and you realise that you need to stick to the rhythm of your own drum to make rhythms that ultimately rock!

If you’ve ever been feeling like you are missing something; like you’re not living out what you signed up for when you came on this earth, then you might find a clue in connecting to your little girl.. (Or boy if you happen to be reading this:)

I’ve had the most profound experience connecting with my little girl in an exercise I carried out recently. When I was asked to think about my little girl.. a picture came to mind instantly. It’s the one right here..

Probably four years old in this picture – I had found my way into a cane laundry basket in a mall in Malaysia.  Picturing her bright eyes, full of life – just wanting to take it all in – sights, sounds, people. What did she (my four year old) yearn for, before she had the concept of fear enter her reality? I don’t think she really knew what Fear was! She was just happy being herself.

I believe she longed to connect. To connect with people. She’s had a fascination for people from as long as she can remember – for what makes them tick. She was soo curious about everything! She loved make-believe : )

When I was around 7 or 8 years old, I remember walking outside our family home ; around the block – talking to the plants – imagining they were people! I was blissfully happy in my own company because I never felt alone – I was surrounded by my own little world. At one time I remember going for a ride on my bike and stopping by the gate for ‘petrol’ (because in my mind, I was on a motorbike!), and then stopping by some plants to get my ‘groceries’. I was already living ‘the life’ in my fantasy world :  )

Whenever I had to study subjects for school, I pretended that my bedroom was a classroom. I put mum’s heels on, wore a shawl, used my blackboard and began to teach all my ‘eager students’ science, geography – you name it! They had their ears peeled – listening to everything I shared. I was care free and fearless – I took the lead, I cared for my girls (my students) and wanted them to ‘get it’ so I would explain something and ask questions and make sure they understood.  Most of all; I believed in myself. I didn’t think anyone was watching me until one day I caught a glimpse of my parents peeking through the slit in the door because they could hear me talking to myself! I think they just chuckled when I saw them. I  stopped my eager explanation and became a bit self conscious.  I continued; slightly less confident  - lowering my voice. I didn’t want to be made fun of.

So where has your little girl been hiding? Is she waiting to come out.. and be rediscovered. What desires does she still have inside? Does she want to be famous? Does she want to become an expert in her field? Maybe she wants to be the best mother she can be for her kids or build that school in Africa for young girls.

I know what my little girl is longing for..and I’ve started to ignite parts of her already.. and I can tell you it’s the most satisfying, fulfilling feeling.. : ) One of the things my little girl asked me to do was to come out of hiding : ) So here I am – I’ve surfaced from my laundry basket – to say ‘Hi’ and have a chance to connect.

So I’d like to know what your little girl is yearning for. Would love to see your photos here and comments too.

Helloo guys,

Thanks for choosing to keep in touch  : ) I shall keep you posted with what I’m upto !

Nadhira